Comments on: Heart advice to a caregiver http://reikihelp.com/blog/2008/07/heart-advice-to-a-caregiver/ Helping you help yourself & the world Sat, 22 Nov 2008 04:38:55 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.3.1 By: Kristi http://reikihelp.com/blog/2008/07/heart-advice-to-a-caregiver/#comment-1967 Kristi Fri, 22 Aug 2008 20:59:25 +0000 http://reikihelp.com/blog/2008/07/heart-advice-to-a-caregiver/#comment-1967 This is just the post I needed to read right now. I haven't been a caregiver for my grandmother, as she has been living in a nursing home. But between the two of us, my mother & I visit her every day but Sundays. She's at a state where nothing we do helps or matters to her, and that in combination with the fact that she always seems to be in pain makes it feel like we are just tormenting ourselves by going. I will remember these four things whenever I get into the slump of hopelessness that I feel when I am at those visits. This is just the post I needed to read right now. I haven’t been a caregiver for my grandmother, as she has been living in a nursing home. But between the two of us, my mother & I visit her every day but Sundays. She’s at a state where nothing we do helps or matters to her, and that in combination with the fact that she always seems to be in pain makes it feel like we are just tormenting ourselves by going. I will remember these four things whenever I get into the slump of hopelessness that I feel when I am at those visits.

]]> By: Greenwoman http://reikihelp.com/blog/2008/07/heart-advice-to-a-caregiver/#comment-1956 Greenwoman Sat, 02 Aug 2008 16:01:18 +0000 http://reikihelp.com/blog/2008/07/heart-advice-to-a-caregiver/#comment-1956 Very lucid post. Blessings!! Very lucid post. Blessings!!

]]> By: Davina http://reikihelp.com/blog/2008/07/heart-advice-to-a-caregiver/#comment-1950 Davina Sun, 27 Jul 2008 20:48:29 +0000 http://reikihelp.com/blog/2008/07/heart-advice-to-a-caregiver/#comment-1950 Hi there! I'm surfing through the Blog to Show event and your link caught my eye. I've been interested in taking a Reiki class. I confess to only scanning through your post because I'm trying to get through these 260 or so blogs on Liz's list. What an adventure! I look forward to returning to see what you have to share. Cheers. Hi there! I’m surfing through the Blog to Show event and your link caught my eye. I’ve been interested in taking a Reiki class. I confess to only scanning through your post because I’m trying to get through these 260 or so blogs on Liz’s list. What an adventure! I look forward to returning to see what you have to share. Cheers.

]]> By: RevDrCharles Lee, Jr. (Kolt4JC) http://reikihelp.com/blog/2008/07/heart-advice-to-a-caregiver/#comment-1949 RevDrCharles Lee, Jr. (Kolt4JC) Wed, 23 Jul 2008 00:43:38 +0000 http://reikihelp.com/blog/2008/07/heart-advice-to-a-caregiver/#comment-1949 I appreciate the effort you've put into sharing quotes from some of our greatest spirits however, yours was the most poignant and I must suggest to you that your definition of "Recognition", should be; could be; and actually, would be my understanding of "Compassion". You said: "Recognize that everything that rubs you the wrong way about your dependent is an unhealed part in them expressing itself, crying out for help, looking to be recognized and loved, to be heard and held, to be made whole however desperately. Recognition is to see the person behind the dependency. More, to see the soul behind the person. Recognition is to not equate the person with their suffering. Suffering is part of the person, but it is not the person. It is something they are going through and they are in fear. So are you probably. When you recognize what is actually happening, your buttons are again unavailable, your goat is happily bleating and there is more spaciousness. The way your dependent makes you feel is not personal. It is about them and it simply is. You must let their behavior bounce off of you, for they can’t help it. The other side of recognition is to be very aware of your own resources and limits. Like compassion, recognition works both ways. Where do you stop and the other person begins? You may be a caregiver, but you retain autonomy and the two of you haven’t merged. Recognize not only your limits but also your own needs. Endlessly giving doesn’t work for either party, quality care suffers and so do you. This requires a promise. A promise you keep and act upon. It is simple but you must be resolute. If you need a fill-in, be resolute about that too." This statement, my fellow spiritual traveler towards self-enlightenment, is the whole of compassion. Both for ourselves and for the other because... We and the other are one. Thank you so much for opening yourself, to your others. Namaste ~Charles~ (Kolt4JC) I appreciate the effort you’ve put into sharing quotes from some of our greatest spirits however, yours was the most poignant and I must suggest to you that your definition of “Recognition”, should be; could be; and actually, would be my understanding of “Compassion”.

You said:

“Recognize that everything that rubs you the wrong way about your dependent is an unhealed part in them expressing itself, crying out for help, looking to be recognized and loved, to be heard and held, to be made whole however desperately.

Recognition is to see the person behind the dependency. More, to see the soul behind the person. Recognition is to not equate the person with their suffering. Suffering is part of the person, but it is not the person. It is something they are going through and they are in fear. So are you probably.

When you recognize what is actually happening, your buttons are again unavailable, your goat is happily bleating and there is more spaciousness. The way your dependent makes you feel is not personal. It is about them and it simply is. You must let their behavior bounce off of you, for they can’t help it.

The other side of recognition is to be very aware of your own resources and limits. Like compassion, recognition works both ways. Where do you stop and the other person begins? You may be a caregiver, but you retain autonomy and the two of you haven’t merged.

Recognize not only your limits but also your own needs. Endlessly giving doesn’t work for either party, quality care suffers and so do you. This requires a promise. A promise you keep and act upon. It is simple but you must be resolute. If you need a fill-in, be resolute about that too.”

This statement, my fellow spiritual traveler towards self-enlightenment, is the whole of compassion.

Both for ourselves and for the other because…

We and the other are one.

Thank you so much for opening yourself, to your others.

Namaste

~Charles~
(Kolt4JC)

]]> By: Bee Bee http://reikihelp.com/blog/2008/07/heart-advice-to-a-caregiver/#comment-1946 Bee Bee Tue, 22 Jul 2008 20:20:19 +0000 http://reikihelp.com/blog/2008/07/heart-advice-to-a-caregiver/#comment-1946 Hello, I hope I'm not just talking to myself. Once I was going to write a book about adult children of alcoholics who become caregivers for their parents. (I'm always going to write a book about something, but never do.) Even though my father was an alcoholic, he left this earth during a 9 day window. My best friend cared for her abusive alcoholic father. It's really interesting to think about being kind to someone who has caused so much pain. My husband and I cared for his abusive nonalcoholic father for 7 years. He was psychologically abusive to me from the day we met, and he was psychologically and pysically abusive to my husband. Well, I've started the story and don't feel like continuing at this point. It would be good to hear from others who are doing this intense work...or have done it. There are many of us, I am sure. Bee Bee Hello,
I hope I’m not just talking to myself. Once I was going to write a book about adult children of alcoholics who become caregivers for their parents. (I’m always going to write a book about something, but never do.) Even though my father was an alcoholic, he left this earth during a 9 day window. My best friend cared for her abusive alcoholic father. It’s really interesting to think about being kind to someone who has caused so much pain.

My husband and I cared for his abusive nonalcoholic father for 7 years. He was psychologically abusive to me from the day we met, and he was psychologically and pysically abusive to my husband. Well, I’ve started the story and don’t feel like continuing at this point. It would be good to hear from others who are doing this intense work…or have done it. There are many of us, I am sure.
Bee Bee

]]> By: Bee Bee http://reikihelp.com/blog/2008/07/heart-advice-to-a-caregiver/#comment-1944 Bee Bee Tue, 22 Jul 2008 17:22:23 +0000 http://reikihelp.com/blog/2008/07/heart-advice-to-a-caregiver/#comment-1944 This is a great post. I hope those who take care of cruel parents in their later years will use it, as well as those who are challenged by taking care of people who have been wonderful to them. Hopefully, people will be able to understand that caring for one who seeks to destroy you is a major challenge that is quite different from the major challenge of caring for a loving person who is bitter, cranky or out of sorts due to age or disease. Bee This is a great post. I hope those who take care of cruel parents in their later years will use it, as well as those who are challenged by taking care of people who have been wonderful to them. Hopefully, people will be able to understand that caring for one who seeks to destroy you is a major challenge that is quite different from the major challenge of caring for a loving person who is bitter, cranky or out of sorts due to age or disease.
Bee

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